Holding Patterns

I'm a little frustrated. I seem to be in a holding pattern. I need to break out of this monotony but I don't know how. I go to work, I bake, I sleep, I may go out sometimes. I hate feeling like burden to my friends. Since most of them are married with kids and houses and real responsibilities I sometimes feel like a 3rd wheel. I guess I should get over that and get used to being the single friend and just check out what folks are doing.

I need to get off my ass and just get involved in things. Maybe I should join a social club. The only problem is when school starts being social is out.

Even things with the boy are at a stand still. Let's face it I have a huge crush on him. He makes feel all gushy and silly when I talk to him or about him or when I am with him. We talk on the phone, via email and text message. We hang out a bit. We talk about things we want to do, we have sex. That's it. I want more. We have talked about it. We have the same long term goals. I think mine are more immediate. So in a way we are at an impasse. One of the things I know about me is that I actually like for a guy to take the lead in relationships. I am so dominate in so many other areas of my life but when it comes to guys I like for them to make the first move and I follow suit. Unless they are being complete idiots then I take over.

Now he is thinking of a move to the west coast- which I knew that moving was something that he always thought about- and I am like what about me? I don't want him to go. I want him to make more of a commitment to me. I want him to friggin get serious but I need him to want to. Does that make sense? In other words I want him make the decision because I am where I want to be and I want to know this is where he wants to be as well. I value my friendship with him too much to force him into something. It has to be his decision. I don't want a ring and I am not asking for forever- yet. I'm just asking that we move to the next level.

And guys say women are complicated.